Why Painting My Nails Green Is Changing My Life

The other day I painted my toenails green.

For some reason, prior to the last couple of months I had the strong opinion that nails should only be painted shades of red or pink. I have no idea why I believed that, but I just felt that those two shades were the natural choice of color and that any other color of polish was an abnormal choice. Something only teeny-boppers and other freaks of nature would choose.

I can't tell you why or when my opinion began to change on this, because I've been painting my toes all kinds of crazy colors in the last several months. But the other day I looked down at my green nails and it just hit me. Why not? Why not paint my toes green? Who said I couldn't? Where did I get the idea that pink and red where the only logical choices of nail color? Why in the world have I been drawing the lines of my own box, limiting my choices and options?

I'm telling you, it was a major revelatory moment. And it set off a chain reaction. All of a sudden I'm asking why not to everything. I'm starting to re-evaluate my opinions, my choices. I cannot tell you how much I have caged myself. And for no good reason! I allowed others to tell me who I am, what I should think and believe. I allowed other people to define the boundaries of my life for me. But worse than that, I helped draw those lines myself! I helped install the bars of my own cage. I have told myself no and I can't when all along I could have been saying yes and I can.

I created and believed lies about myself and what my life should look like. I have lived a lie and I am just now realizing it. Instead of building a life that fit me, I forced myself to fit the life I was living. I look back at the life I walked away from and I realize that that life had absolutely no reflection of myself in it. And I made myself absolutely miserable trying to pretend it was true to me.I felt invisible as if I didn't really exist, but the irony was that even I didn't see myself. It was crazy.

And now I have a blank slate. I have the freedom but also the capability to see myself, to determine who I am, what I like, what I believe. And I'm finding that the rules and boundaries I lived by before seem ridiculous now. I'm wanting to throw myself at life and make bold decisions. I no longer want to hide from life, but I want to attack it. Who cares if I make a fool of myself in the process? Why not try something new? The point is to experience. Why not go sky-diving? Why not stay up past my self-imposed bed time, even if I am a zombie the next day? Why not try a food I'm not sure I will like? What is the worst that could happen? Why not chop or dye my hair? Why not? Why not strike up a conversation with a stranger or go to the concert of an artist I've never heard of?

I noticed one of my French tapes in the car. I have always wanted to learn French and have taken some classes over the years and even listened to language tapes. When I was younger I planned to go live in France for a couple of months to study French for real. But I made other choices and sacrificed France. Since then I have tried a couple of times to learn the language, but have always ended up frustrated after a couple of weeks or months. I saw that tape in my car the other day and thought why not? Why did I give up so easily? If it took me 10 years to become fluent, does that matter? I would still have learned French even if it took me 10 years. Those ten years are going to pass anyway. What else am I going to do with that time? Why did I allow myself to give up, just because it wasn't as easy as I wanted it to be?

So, I am erasing the lines of my box, I am tearing down the bars of my cage. I can do that, because I'm the one who built it. I'm throwing myself out there and embracing a new perspective, a new way of life, a new me.
Why not paint my toenails green?