Letters to God #18

When the world spins like a drunken merry go round
Lopsided, sickeningly fast
I look out and find You
Unmoveable
my Center

When I was lost, invisible to myself and the world
When I wander away still
You reach out and find me
Your love
my existence

When I write our story
it will be written in one word
Found

In Memoriam

I saw Her the day She died
She had been sick, ailing for a while,
Struggling to breathe, fighting to rise to her former strength and glory;
We had been told this was the best course of treatment
She had to change to survive
Adapt to thrive.

I saw Her the day She died
I could still picture Her as She used to be
Beautiful, arrayed in the freedom paid for with sacrifice.
I could imagine that She would rally from Her sick bed
Regain Her purpose, Her self
But the treatment meant to save only weakened Her more
In attempting to change Her identity, we killed Her roots
In attempting to stand tall instead She fell.

I saw Her the day She died.
I felt something ought to be done,
but surely someone else would know what to do
Some life-giving measure should be given,
but I felt helpless, inexperienced and afraid
so I stayed in the shadows
Praying


I saw Her the day She died
She breathed her last...
and I cried.

Letters to God #17

Do You remember? Do You remember how loneliness used to cling to me like a needy child? I was surrounded by love growing up and yet at times I would find myself experiencing physical pains of loneliness even as I was with my friends and family. I never understood how that was possible. Why would I have any reason to feel alone, to feel invisible to feel my heart hurt? But I did and I just accepted this as normal, something I would carry with me forever.

Then the other day as I was sitting on the sofa You asked me, "Do you remember? Do you remember when you used to feel those pangs of loneliness? When was the last time you felt lonely?" And I couldn't remember.

Somehow in the midst of chaos, change and upheaval You healed my heart. I didn't even ask but You knew. Thinking about it I realized that the reason I no longer feel lonely is because I am finally whole. You have made me complete. It has nothing to do with circumstances or people but everything to do with You. That loneliness I felt, that hole in my heart where love fell through was merely Your way of drawing me closer to You. It was Your gentle reminder that You are what I need. When I found You I found everything and there was no more room for loneliness. I am full of You and I can't even remember being empty.