Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

You. You who I have worried over for some time because of your chosen theology. We had a quasi-debate and I was thrilled because I thought perhaps I could set you straight. I knew that if I could explain the truth, you would see it and would be transformed. I want to say I'm sorry. I want to tell you that regardless if I spoke any truth, my pride and arrogance spoke louder. I want to tell you that no matter what you believe I love you. You should know that no theology is stronger or more transforming than love. Last night I prayed for truth for you and also for me.

You. You whose political opinions vary so drastically from mine. Sometimes I wonder how a friendship can be maintained with two people who are so passionately committed to opposing politics. I can't relate to your viewpoint. I don't understand it at all. In the heat of the debate, I sometimes forget you are a friend. I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I want to tell you that even though I don't understand your perspective, I respect your opinion and admire your passion. I hope you know I love you and that politics don't really matter in the Kingdom of Heaven between brothers and sisters. Love trumps politics. Always.

You. You who have found your passion. I am a bit envious in a good way. I am sorry to tell you that I don't understand what you are all excited about. In my scale of priorities it doesn't even rank. But that is unimportant, because you definitely rank with me. Even though I don't share your passion I want you to know that I support you 100%. You should know that I love you and your joy is mine. When I see you pursuing what God has called you to, it makes me happy to see you fulfilled.

You. You are one who struggles and is so miserable. You are the one who carries a dark cloud around and deposits rain on everyone who listens to you. I want to tell you that I understand misery and my heart breaks with yours. You should know that I have no idea what to say or how to help but I really want to. You refuse to let me pray for you, but I do anyway, because I know your heart has been too broken to carry faith. I don't judge you for it because love responds with compassion. With all my heart, I love you and I am here to help you with your load and to carry you when you faint under the weight of despair. Love bears all things, even another's misery. You are not alone.

You. You, the friend who broke my heart. You wounded me deeply, although I don't believe it was done on purpose. I'm sorry I had to set boundaries in my life which meant drawing a line between you and me. I finally had to cut the bonds of our friendship so that I could heal. What I perceived as your indifference, negligence, judgement, lack of grace and compassion kept the wound open and festering. I want to tell you that I think of you often and how much I miss you. I want to tell you that I forgive you and I hope one day the breach is repaired. You should know that although you are far from me you are near in my heart. I will always love you and think of you as friend.

You. You are the friend who doesn't share my beliefs at all. Sometimes I don't know how to talk to you. My thoughts war between just being your friend and trying to sell you on my God. I'm sorry that it is even a struggle. You should know I love you regardless of what you believe. I love you so much and I just want you to know my Jesus. I want you to experience what it is like to see your self reflected back even more beautiful in His eyes. I hunger for you to know what it means to live loved without fear and shame. Because you are. Loved. So very much

You. You are a soul friend. Oh how much I enjoy you and our long conversations and our silly conversations. You hear my heart without me saying a word. You should know I thank God every day for the blessing of our friendship. I look at you and see family and friend all in one. I want to tell you what a difference your presence makes in my life, like a big ripple in a little pond. I want to tell you that I love you. I want you to know that it doesn't matter where life takes us, whether near or far, short time or long, you go with me in my heart. Yes, I'm blessed to love you.

You. You. Always and only You.You who sought me out in the darkest filth pit. You who looked straight into a black heart and declared, "Mine". You repaid my disdain, disrespect and negligence with Your faithfulness. I introduced myself as defiant, unworthy and ugly yet You named me infinitely precious and loved. You took a gutter rat and transformed me into a daughter who bears the beauty of Your image. It is an incomprehensible fairy tale, the fairiest of them all. I still can scarcely believe that You have written me a love letter, penned in blood. And it begins, Dear friend.

A Christmas Promise Fulfilled

Oh, how I've loved the revelation of Emmanuel. God with us. God WITH us.

I've pondered and meditated over it, holding it closely, gazing at this truth with soft eyes and a soft heart. The magnificent tenderness, a loving and welcome invasion into a world of death and destruction and violent darkness, yet hope promises that He is with us. Emmanuel speaks of One who walks with us, who laughs and mourns with us, who understands and loves us. He is the One who participates in our lives.

But the promise only begins there. Emmanuel is only the beginning. The grand finale of this whole story is God IN us. It is where our story finally combines with His. God as Emmanuel was introduced to us at Christmas. But God who lives in us was only ours to claim after the violence and blood of the Cross, His descent into hell, resurrection and finally an ascension of total victory into Heaven.

 Finally, the goal of God since the beginning of time became accessible to all. God in us, "the hope of Glory." God with us became "greater is He that is in You, then He that is in the world" which means that the only power the devil has over us is what we give him. Finally it's not just that He has all power and authority, but we do too, "the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in you." "But you shall receive power after the Holy Spirit has come upon you." The Holy  Spirit, comforter, counselor, teacher, helper, the agent of power which filled Jesus, enabled Him to bring the Kingdom of God to earth, and united Him with the voice of His Father. This Holy Spirit, God in us, is now ours. It's no longer a matter of what God is capable of, but what we are now capable of... everything. We are no longer limited to waiting on God to act or intervene, but have all the resources of Heaven at our disposal to change our world. Because He lives in us, God is multiplied. We are all Christs walking this broken earth. Everything He did we have the same authority and power to do. We have the ability to live a life of miracles small and large from the power to forgive to the power to resurrect the dead.

Perhaps instead of asking the question, "where is/was God?" we should begin to challenge ourselves by asking, "with the God of the universe residing in me, where was I?"  No longer are "we sheep for the slaughter," waiting to be rescued. We are now armed and trained ready to meet the darkness head on. "The kingdom of God suffers violence" by evil, yet we can now do violence to that evil, fighting against it without mercy, knowing that the battle has already been won.We are overcomers, more than conquerors.

So thank God that He is with us. But let's not stop there. Let us claim the rest of that promise. Let us reach the grand finale of this story and finish it well. Let us bring Heaven to earth and live it out. Let us remember Who it is that lives within us and start believing it, allowing it to change our lives and our world.

Single, Not Alone

For some reason we have been conditioned to think that if someone is single that obviously it is not because they want to be. This is why, since my divorce the most pertinent and burning question I am asked is, "Are you seeing anyone?" Or its' cousin, "Have you been dating?" or any of the many variations of these questions that imply that being single is a condition I should remedy immediately. I will be honest, while I was married, one of the things I considered when making the decision to end things was the idea of having to be single again. And I almost thought it might be preferable to remain miserable in an unhealthy relationhip than to find myself out in the world at an age when most of my age group is married and having children, trying to wade my way through the considerably shrunken dating pool. It was an intimidating consideration, especially since I hadn't ever really participated in the dating world to begin with. My one serious relationship led directly to marriage.

But here is what I have found. Being single is not a condition or a disease. I am very happily single. Would I like to get married again? Yes. Do I need to get married again? No. There are a few things I miss about being in a relationship, but for the most part I am more than content. I am happier and more fulfilled than I can ever remember being. I am more loved now than ever. I don't secretly long to be with someone or feel like I'm missing out.

The truth is when I lost my life as I knew it, I found God as I had never known Him. When I let go of chasing a fairy tale I found my real Love story. I feel like Buddy in the movie Elf and I want to proclaim at the top of my lungs, "I"m in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!" I have found my Hero and He has made me whole. I'm not missing anything, because He provides it all. He IS all, Father, Husband, Friend. I lack nothing.

I yearn for Him in a way that I am left both wanting more and yet fulfilled at the same time. I feel so full of Him inside of me that I believe it must be spilling out, an excess of Light, making me shine. His love is like champagne, bubbling beneath the surface of my skin, dancing joy inside my veins. When I look at His face, I see myself reflected in His eyes, so lovely and loved I have trouble recognizing myself. The spirit within me is floating, rising, growing, stretching for Heaven and I want to let it fly like a bird on the wind. Everywhere I look I see Him, all Him, only Him. There is no one else.
"Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee." Psalm 73:25.
This is my life story and it is ecstasy.

So I may be single, but definitely not alone or unloved.

Sin

I've been participating in a Bible study on iniquity. Perhaps that is why I have sin on the brain. But the other night I actually dreamed about it. In my dream sin was a living, breathing entity in multiple forms that was literally chasing after people and taking them down, attacking and killing them. In my dream I was running from sin and hiding so that it wouldn't find me.

The immediate interpretation of the dream seemed fairly obvious. Then God gave me His interpretation. He said, "It's a good thing to avoid sin, it's even better to have dominion over it."

Well, ok then. Challenge accepted.

Love Story

True North
Like a magnetic force, You draw me home.
No matter where I wander, or how much space I put between us
Our hearts are bound together and I cannot escape...
Us

Even in the depths of hell, especially in the depths
My heart feels the invisible tie;
It is my lifeline,
You are

At times my soul trembles in the face of such a Passion
It is more powerful than the ocean
And You are the tide that shapes and remakes my shoreline
Washing, cleansing, anointing
Me

Whether far or near
A constant ache for more of You remains
Engraved onto my heart
Always yearning for more

Your Face,
Your Glorious Face shines on me
And I am made beautiful by that holy light
the ashes of my life are a mirror reflecting Your beauty

I absorb all of You in
Drinking
Gulping Your Presence
Parched for You

Nestling into Your heart
I have found Home.