Letters to God #21

It all started a couple of weeks ago when a friend suggested I needed to admit I was angry at You and forgive You. Angry at God? How foolish! But I realized that while I'm not angry at You, I have secretly in my heart blamed You. I've laid the responsibility for the things in my life that cause me to question, to be unhappy, to wonder and wait, I've decided these things are Your fault.

Then yesterday as we were confessing and repenting I decided I wasn't ready to repent just yet. My heart still holds you to blame and I wasn't finished dwelling on every way I think You have failed me. But You spoke. It sounded like my friend speaking, but it was really You. Confession of sin is not enough. Repentance is necessary and repentance comes first before the heart changes. I don't have to understand what I'm feeling, I don't have to know all the ways I've blamed You. I don't even have to know myself. I just have to be willing to lay it ALL at your feet, the known and unknown.

So I repented and that opened the door for the tears to fall and my fears to come to light. I ached and I emptied. I understood that I know nothing. I decided I wanted to know nothing. Nothing but You.