An Idol

I may as well admit it. I have an idol in my life. I won’t tell you what it is, because that is not the point. I believe an idol is anything you place above God in your life. This "thing" has become an idol to me because first of all I know it is wrong, it is something that goes against what I believe is right and second and more importantly because I am not ready to relinquish it. I know it is wrong, I am wrestling with God about it. I know I am in the wrong, but I don’t care. Well, I do care, but not enough. I do want to follow and serve God, but I don’t want to give this up, make the sacrifice of my wants. I know that eventually I must because I do not want to be separated from God. It always starts small. Idols and other temptations always begin small, we always believe it is something we can manage, something that won’t change us or affect us. But then we deceive ourselves. So right now, I am telling myself it’s no big deal, I can manage this. I won’t let it go any further that this small thing. I am lying to myself and I know it. I know also that it will separate me from God if I let it continue, because God cannot be in the presence of sin. And God will not share what is His. He is a jealous God, which is a good thing. He will not share me with something that I place in value above Him. So at some point I WILL have to let Him help me resist this particular temptation. I wonder if I will every truly have it rooted out of my heart or if like a recovering alcoholic I will constantly have to be on guard. This is a temptation I have dealt with before. And last time I chose God. The Bible says the pure in heart will see God and I truly want that. More than anything, except right now this other thing seems more real, more important to me. Which is strange because in my heart it is not more than He is to me, but my choices are proving otherwise. Hmm...what is that verse about serving two masters? I only want to serve One, and maybe I will...tomorrow.