Letter to God #7

Lately you have been talking to me about the word intimacy. Well, more like prodding me. You even whispered the word honeymoon. I know what that word is supposed to mean! And while in one way it sounds wonderful to just spend some one on one time with you, basking in your Presence, in another way something in me resists.

I didn't realize I had a problem with intimacy. I thought we were pretty close, You and me. But I want more. More importantly and to the point You want more. And You wanting more of me is highlighting intimacy issues that I was unaware I had.

Like most people I have been hurt by people I love who love me. And I guess I built a wall around my heart to protect myself.  I didn't even know it was there until you started asking for more of me. But I don't know how. I don't know how to give more of myself, because the fear holds me back. Because I've buried the rest of me so deep that I don't know how to find me. And I don't know how to breach the wall myself. I see it now, and I understand it is a hindrance, but I am trapped by my own efforts of protection.

So, if You really want me then You are going to have to come get me. I am willing but I can't tear down that wall by myself. I can't conquer the fear of true intimacy by myself. And I certainly can't find the buried pieces of me alone. I need Your help. And I need to know that I am worth the effort. I stand here on the other side of this wall and my hope is Your promise.

Hosea 2:19-20 "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me In righteousness and justice, In lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the LORD.

I am willing. I am hoping. I am waiting...