Letters to God #23

I said yes and You immediately began your renovations, demolishing my walls, tearing down everything I had built up until there was not one stone left upon another. I was left naked and vulnerable, all my self defense and protection mechanisms laid waste.

But You didn't stop there, no. It wasn't enough to topple walls, to leave me defenseless. You began throwing every last piece of the rubble into the fire. I cried out in grief at the loss and screamed in pain at the flames which devoured my life. Oh, I raged at You. How could You do this to me? I trusted You! I felt the heat of Your glory and judgment as it consumed me, as it consumed my self and my life, my anger and doubt and fear like so much chaff until there was nothing left of the former me. Until I bowed in submission and agreed with Job in saying, "though You slay me, yet I will trust You."

Then an amazing thing happened. I began to catch glimpses of liquid silver in the flames. Not all had been consumed. A remnant had survived. There were pieces that when set on fire had not burned up but been refined. These the fire transformed and strengthed into new substance. I gazed in awe, but You weren't finished yet. As the fire cooled the liquid silver began to harden and become malleable. Then there was the shock of more pain and discomfort as You pounded, molded and formed the silver. Oh, how I ached and cried out, "how long Lord, how long?"

Finally, I lifted up my eyes and I saw it. This liquid silver had been shaped into a thing of beauty, smooth on the outside, stronger than steel inside.  It was seamless with no beginning or end. It was solid and enduring because the weaknesses and flaws no longer remained. It had been made into something that would never again bow to fear or doubt or evil. Something ramrod straight that would stand tall through storms and anything else that would assail it. And it shone a reflected glory, a light that all could see. Then, I fell to my knees and blessed You, my lovely Destroyer and visionary Restorer, because You loved me enough not to leave me how You found me.

"For He crushes but also binds up; He strikes, but His hands also make whole." Job 5:18