Father's Day is here again! What a great day. I won't bore you with my opinion on the lack of good fathers in today's world and the corresponding problems this lack causes, but I will share with you about a great one. Mine!
Where to start? My dad was my very first hero. I say first like I've had several but that isn't the case. My dad was my model for those I would later in life come to admire and respect. He was my measuring stick for everyone else. I was very blessed to have a dad who was present, involved and interested in my life. Memories of my younger years are peppered with times spent with my dad. What other little girl had a Dad who came to her school to pick her up for a lunch "date"? Who else had a Dad who treated her and talked to her as an individual and not just as his child? I remember nights spent listening to my Dad reading Bible stories before bedtime. Nights when I would sit on his lap and we would sit and enjoy a nice thunderstorm. Who else had a Dad who would rock her to sleep and make up silly songs for her? My Dad worked hard and many times late hours, but he was always at my piano and dance recitals, school plays or field days. I found my identity in those early years in my relationship with my Dad. I held my head high, believing I was capable of anything I chose simply because I was my Daddy's daughter. There was nobody who could make me feel less about myself, because I knew my Dad loved me. I even carried that into my high school years when I chose not to really date, because really, who could measure up to my Dad? And why would I want to date some teenage hormone driven guy, when I had a man at home who valued and respected me? And eventually I learned to transfer that source of identity, that anchor of my value and worth to my Heavenly Father. And like I did when I wrote about my mom recently I would like to share with you some of the things my Dad has taught me.
Work hard, Play hard
My dad was a great example of this. As I mentioned before, my Dad has always worked hard. I remember many times and still to this day he will work late into the night. It wasn't unusual to find him working in his office at 3 or 4 in the morning. When I was younger there were some times when he would pull all nighters at his office and we wouldn't see him for two or three days. But no one knows how to play like my dad. He works hard so that he has time to play. He made time to be present at our events. He would take us out for ice cream occasionally (which is a big deal when you have a mom who believes in eating healthy). Wednesday nights after church were always an exciting time, because many times he would stop at a gas station on the way home and buy us girls an ice cream bar or Clearly Canadian. He coached me and my sisters in our chosen sports. And my dad loved basketball! He tried to interest us all in playing with not much success until my youngest sister got old enough to play. Not only does my dad like to play, but he knows how to be playful. He loves telling jokes and no one laughs louder at his jokes than himself. He loves to tease and play pranks. My dad would sometimes turn on his old records (45's) and we would listen to him enjoy music from another time. He would howl along to "Little Red Riding Hood". My dad loved to tickle! And every now and then he would pretend to be a cat and try to lick our faces. It was so gross, but it made us giggle. One night I woke up at 2AM and noticed a light on in the living room. I walked out to see my Dad playing our Nintendo. He said that it was the only time he got to play since me and my sisters were always on it. He taught me that a good work ethic is important, but it is also important to enjoy life.
Travel
I must have gotten the travel bug from my Dad. He wasn't able to travel when he was young. But when my sisters and I were younger my Dad made it possible for us to see places he never had seen himself. We had "our places" that we would go once or twice a year with my mom's family. But he also took us all over the country. He would carry us out to the van at 3 or 4 in the morning (so he could get several hours on the road before we woke) and we would be off to North Carolina, Missouri or Florida. Of course most of the time we would have to make a stop at a mall wherever we landed, where my Dad would enter with a Newsweek in his back pocket, head for the food court and plant himself for a couple of hours. But we saw things I would read about in my school books. He took us to Canada when he had a business trip. Boston,The Bahamas, London and other parts of England. I saw history come alive at the White Cliffs of Dover, Boston Harbor, the Alamo etc. When I graduated high school my gift from my dad was to pick the family vacation that year, so off to Alaska we went. Travel opened the world to me.
Money
My dad was my first financial advisor. I was given a small allowance growing up (which I was supposed to earn by doing chores). With this money my dad taught me how the basics of finance. I had to budget. If I didn't have the money to buy something I wanted I had to save until I had what I needed. Immediately after receiving my allowance I was taught to pull out 10% for tithe at church and 10% to put into "savings". From this savings I bought Christmas gifts at the end of the year. When I got older my Dad went with me to open my first checking account, teaching me how to use and balance my check book. Later he helped me get a credit card, taught me when and how to use it, so that I could establish good credit. Almost everything I know about money I learned from my Dad. To this day I still only have one personal credit card which is only used for emergencies or if I can pay it off immediately. My dad also taught me the relationship between work and money. You don't work for money, but make money work for you. If you don't have the money you need then figure out how to earn it. Today I think I have a good relationship with money because of what my dad taught me. I choose to work in an environment I enjoy, even though I might make more somewhere else, because I like where I am at. I don't want to work 60-70 hours a week even if I was paid more if I don't have the time to enjoy life.
Responsibility
If I heard it once I was irritated by it a thousand times, "Do not justify yourself." Any and every time I offered an excuse I was met by this response. It was incredibly frustrating. I argued that I wasn't making excuses I was explaining. But there was no fooling my Dad. He forced me to take responsibility instead of passing blame. It was one of those "you'll thank me later" kind of things. But today I am thankful. Because we cannot change what we do not take responsiblity for. And today I know that when I refuse to make excuses and choose to find a solution I know that I am in a small percentage of people in this world who are capable of doing so.
Details Matter
Another thing I heard often from my dad was "show your work." This came out of the times my Dad worked with me on my math skills. Like most kids I would rush through the equation and arrive with an answer. My dad would check over my homework and ask how I came to that conclusion followed by a lecture on how we arrive at an answer is as important as the answer itself. Eventually this extended into other areas such as keeping records, taking notes, and not relying on someone else to take care of details. I can't tell you how many times I've been saved by this advice when I need a copy of a bank or credit statement. Or when I go back to my notes of a discussion over the phone and I have the name of the person I've spoken with to back up my argument. It has also taught me that just because something is small or minor doesn't necessarily make it unimportant.
These are just a few of the things that have made me a better person, because my Dad was there to teach me. But the greatest thing about my Dad is that he was present and active in my life and made sure I knew that I was loved. That set my foundations for life and has made all the difference. I would be a lesser person for sure without him. So thanks, Dad.
“I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.” Mother Theresa
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
In Honor of Mom
Mother's Day is here again and so I thought I would take some time to remember why it is so wonderful to have a mom and why it so much more wonderful to have my mom. I really won the mom lottery. Or maybe God just really really loved me so He gifted me with my mom. However it came about I am so very thankful. I have been very blessed in my life with great people. God has given me great friends and surrounded me with loving family members, but of all the people who have shaped and influenced my life my parents are at the top. And nobody, absolutely no one loves me more than my mom does. The older I get and the more I learn, the more I appreciate and understand my mother. And so again, I take the time to remember the things my mom has taught me:
Forgiveness:
If my dad taught me not to make excuses or to justify myself, my mom taught me how to forgive. I can't remember how many times I came home from a rough day at school, upset and/or frustrated with a friend. Yet my mom always pointed the way for me to let go of whatever perceived slight I endured or whatever grudge I might want to hold and urged me to forgive. She encouraged me to pray for those who hurt me. She taught me that you injure yourself more by refusing to forgive. It's a hard lesson that I am still learing and will probably always have cause to practice, but my mom gave me a good head start to keeping my heart pure towards others. Not only did she teach it but she lived it out by example.
Sensitivity:
I am not naturally sensitive to others feelings by nature. Not only am I selfish in seeing my own wants and needs, but I also have lacked the desire to even understand and have compassion for others. I'm more like my dad, bull in a china shop, open mouth insert foot and if someone gets offended well, that is their problem. Living with my mom gave me good practice in being sensitive to those around me. My mom (and my sister too) are naturally sensitive and empathetic to others. They feel things more deeply and are more easily hurt, less likely to stand up to those who run over them. If not for my mom teaching me to be aware of those around me, to be sensitive to the words I use and to consider others first I might have left a wake of hurting angry people behind me. As it is, I am at least aware, making conscious effort to be less selfish. My mom taught me the words, "You may be right, I could be wrong" and "I'm sorry". My mom taught me that being right doesn't necessarily mean you win, and that being right doesn't give you the right to trod over others.
Family:
There is not much more rewarding in life than family. My mom has sown her life into creating a safe haven called family. No matter what else was going on outside the doors of home, once you were home you were safe and loved. Of course no family is perfect, but if it was would we ever really grow? I grew up in a home where we were encouraged to be ourselves, where we laughed and played where memories were created and treasured. I grew up not only with the safe harbor of my parents and sisters surrounding me but an even larger circle of aunts, uncles and cousins who were as much a part of my life as the sun. Everyone with their own unique personality and yet everyone accepted just as they are. Everyone willing to pitch in and help the others, giving of themselves, just happy to be together. My mom helped give that to me and it is one of my favorite gifts.
Cooking:
My mom taught, okay tried to teach me the basics of cooking. I didn't really enjoy learning, but I sure appreciated it once I was out on my own. Some of my favorite recipes to this day are my mom's; her spaghetti, potato soup, lasagna...yum. Also, I have some good memories of working in the kitchen helping to snap green beans, form meat balls, rolling dough in cinnamon and sugar for monkey bread. This is one of those, "you'll thank me when you are older" things and boy was she right.
Nature:
My mom passed on a love of nature to me. I didn't realize it was happening until it was too late and I had already been brain-washed ; ) My mom would point out the beauty in the world around us, " Girls! Look at those beautiful trees." "Girls, look at those gorgeous flowers" "Isn't it a beautiful day." We would just roll our eyes and go back to whatever she had interrupted, but now I find myself doing the exact same thing to my husband. I first learned to love spring, because my mom would open up the windows in our house and let the fresh breezes blow through the house. There is not a better smell on earth than spring breezes after winter is over.
Manners:
Thanks to my mom I have a little more grace than I would have otherwise. Actually, I feel confident that in any given situation I will know how to proceed. "Hold your head up like you own the room and people will believe it." I've learned that manners are really just an act of thoughtfulness to others. A hand-written thank you note, a hostess gift, offering to pitch in and help, how to set a table properly, how to give and accept compliments graciously, what a proper cleaning REALLY looks like, that trimmed nails, a subtle perfume and a little lipstick can work wonders for how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you, that you only get one first impression so make it a good one and on it goes. I think my mom would be a great asset for Miss Manners when she writes her next book.
God:
Pretty much anything of any vaule that I've learned about God I've learned from and because of my mom. It is because of her that I have a relationship with Jesus, because she lived the example. She saturated us with it. I can't remember a time in my life that God was not the center of hers. These are among my most vivid memories. My mom taught me how to pray, how to stop and listen for God to speak, the importance of knowing the word of God and that true Christianity is found in relationship not in rules and religion. I watched my mom closely growing up, she would work in the kitchen while listening to teaching tapes, she would clean while listening to praise and worship, she prayed while she worked. Her first response was prayer. I knew that if I was sick I could ask her to pray for me and God would hear her. In fact sometimes I had more faith in her prayers than in God. My mom kept our house covered in God's grace because of her faithfulness.
These are just a very few of the things my mom has taught me. I'm so thankful for her influence and presence in my life. I"m so thankful that not only is my mom my mother but she is also my friend.
Happy Mothers Day!
Forgiveness:
If my dad taught me not to make excuses or to justify myself, my mom taught me how to forgive. I can't remember how many times I came home from a rough day at school, upset and/or frustrated with a friend. Yet my mom always pointed the way for me to let go of whatever perceived slight I endured or whatever grudge I might want to hold and urged me to forgive. She encouraged me to pray for those who hurt me. She taught me that you injure yourself more by refusing to forgive. It's a hard lesson that I am still learing and will probably always have cause to practice, but my mom gave me a good head start to keeping my heart pure towards others. Not only did she teach it but she lived it out by example.
Sensitivity:
I am not naturally sensitive to others feelings by nature. Not only am I selfish in seeing my own wants and needs, but I also have lacked the desire to even understand and have compassion for others. I'm more like my dad, bull in a china shop, open mouth insert foot and if someone gets offended well, that is their problem. Living with my mom gave me good practice in being sensitive to those around me. My mom (and my sister too) are naturally sensitive and empathetic to others. They feel things more deeply and are more easily hurt, less likely to stand up to those who run over them. If not for my mom teaching me to be aware of those around me, to be sensitive to the words I use and to consider others first I might have left a wake of hurting angry people behind me. As it is, I am at least aware, making conscious effort to be less selfish. My mom taught me the words, "You may be right, I could be wrong" and "I'm sorry". My mom taught me that being right doesn't necessarily mean you win, and that being right doesn't give you the right to trod over others.
Family:
There is not much more rewarding in life than family. My mom has sown her life into creating a safe haven called family. No matter what else was going on outside the doors of home, once you were home you were safe and loved. Of course no family is perfect, but if it was would we ever really grow? I grew up in a home where we were encouraged to be ourselves, where we laughed and played where memories were created and treasured. I grew up not only with the safe harbor of my parents and sisters surrounding me but an even larger circle of aunts, uncles and cousins who were as much a part of my life as the sun. Everyone with their own unique personality and yet everyone accepted just as they are. Everyone willing to pitch in and help the others, giving of themselves, just happy to be together. My mom helped give that to me and it is one of my favorite gifts.
Cooking:
My mom taught, okay tried to teach me the basics of cooking. I didn't really enjoy learning, but I sure appreciated it once I was out on my own. Some of my favorite recipes to this day are my mom's; her spaghetti, potato soup, lasagna...yum. Also, I have some good memories of working in the kitchen helping to snap green beans, form meat balls, rolling dough in cinnamon and sugar for monkey bread. This is one of those, "you'll thank me when you are older" things and boy was she right.
Nature:
My mom passed on a love of nature to me. I didn't realize it was happening until it was too late and I had already been brain-washed ; ) My mom would point out the beauty in the world around us, " Girls! Look at those beautiful trees." "Girls, look at those gorgeous flowers" "Isn't it a beautiful day." We would just roll our eyes and go back to whatever she had interrupted, but now I find myself doing the exact same thing to my husband. I first learned to love spring, because my mom would open up the windows in our house and let the fresh breezes blow through the house. There is not a better smell on earth than spring breezes after winter is over.
Manners:
Thanks to my mom I have a little more grace than I would have otherwise. Actually, I feel confident that in any given situation I will know how to proceed. "Hold your head up like you own the room and people will believe it." I've learned that manners are really just an act of thoughtfulness to others. A hand-written thank you note, a hostess gift, offering to pitch in and help, how to set a table properly, how to give and accept compliments graciously, what a proper cleaning REALLY looks like, that trimmed nails, a subtle perfume and a little lipstick can work wonders for how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you, that you only get one first impression so make it a good one and on it goes. I think my mom would be a great asset for Miss Manners when she writes her next book.
God:
Pretty much anything of any vaule that I've learned about God I've learned from and because of my mom. It is because of her that I have a relationship with Jesus, because she lived the example. She saturated us with it. I can't remember a time in my life that God was not the center of hers. These are among my most vivid memories. My mom taught me how to pray, how to stop and listen for God to speak, the importance of knowing the word of God and that true Christianity is found in relationship not in rules and religion. I watched my mom closely growing up, she would work in the kitchen while listening to teaching tapes, she would clean while listening to praise and worship, she prayed while she worked. Her first response was prayer. I knew that if I was sick I could ask her to pray for me and God would hear her. In fact sometimes I had more faith in her prayers than in God. My mom kept our house covered in God's grace because of her faithfulness.
These are just a very few of the things my mom has taught me. I'm so thankful for her influence and presence in my life. I"m so thankful that not only is my mom my mother but she is also my friend.
Happy Mothers Day!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Things My Dad Taught Me
Well, I thought this one would be funnier than the last, because my dad is such a goof, but when I got to thinking about it, I realized that I learned alot of great things from my dad too.
1. A great Dad is a girl's first hero.If a dad is involved in his daughter's life and she truly believes he loves her, no other man/boy measures up. It is unlikely that she will be tempted to look for love somewhere else, when her daddy at home is better than anyone else.
2. If you are going to hide special treats (i.e. candy), hide it in a place no one will find it. If your hiding place is found, don't deny that the stuff is yours, when it quite obviously is. Also, when your hiding place is found, get a new one. Don't keep "hiding" your candy in the same spot or you will find it disappearing quickly.
3."Show your work." This began when my dad was trying to help me with Algebra (bad idea, not very successful) He thought it was very important to show how I arrived at an answer. It is a matter of proof. It then extended into life. He taught me to be detailed and thorough. Take notes, get names, numbers and dates. Keep good records. You never know when you will need proof.
4. Work hard. My dad worked hard. He was always present in our lives, especially at important events, games, ceremonies, recitals.etc. But, he would make up for it by working late, late evenings. He still does. He might work until 3 in the morning, but he gets it done and is successful. My dad taught me to be diligent in work, that it pays you back.
5. How to play and play hard. My dad worked hard, but he also played hard. I remember waking up in the middle of the night one night to find a light on in the living room. I walked out there to find my dad playing Nintendo at 2 in the morning. He said he never got any other chance to play! My dad can be like a kid in a grown man's body. He taught me how to have fun. How to laugh and tease and enjoy life.
6. How to handle money. I started getting an allowance at a young age. I know some people think an allowance spoils kids, but I think it is worse when parents just buy their kids stuff, whenever they want. I had to help out around the house to get my allowance and my dad made me take out 10% for tithe. If I wanted something, I had to use my allowance. It taught me to budget and save. There were several times I had to save for months to buy something I really wanted. When I got older, my dad helped me open a bank account and credit card and taught me how to use them to establish good credit. He also taught me to have fun with money. Sometimes you just have to splurge and enjoy it, but not at the expense of going into debt. You handle money, you don't let money handle you.
7. To take responsibility. My dad taught me a very important lesson that I didn't fully appreciate for a while. He taught me not to justify myself. If I'm wrong. Accept responsibility, apologize, change, and move on. I hated this. Everytime I tried to make an excuse for something, he would say, "Don't justify yourself." I would always say I was just explaining... and he would say I was making excuses. This is a lesson that I have continued to learn since getting married. It is very, very hard. I'm still working on it.
8. Buckle up! My sisters and I had a bad habit of not buckling. So, my dad made us a deal. Every day all three of us were buckled, he put a quarter in a cup in his car. (He drove us to school every day) If he caught one of us unbuckled, he took out fifty cents. If we caught him unbuckled he put in a dollar. When there was enough money, we all went for ice cream. (Remember how strict my mom was with sugar?) This was a great bribe and worked very well. I feel weird now, if I am not wearing my seat belt.
9. Generosity. My dad loves to give and do for others. He gets so much pleasure out of spending money on other people. I'm not so good at this. I would much rather spend on myself : )
10. Date night. My dad took my mom out on "dates" once a week. I'm not really sure if this was his idea or hers, but they made time once a week to spend time together, alone, doing something nice.
11. The gift of time. One of the greatest gifts to give to anyone is the gift of time. In fact I think he so instilled this in me, that now it is how I measure love. It's my love language. I have so many memories of my dad deliberately making time to spend with me. "Lunch dates" He would come to my school and eat lunch with me there or take me out somewhere. In the evenings, he sat down with me on the couch and read Bible stories to me. During storms, I would sit on his lap in the rocking chair in the living room in the dark and we would just sit and watch the rain and lighting ( Needless to say, I love storms.), some nights, he would rock me to sleep, singing songs he made up just for me and my sisters. I still remember them and hope to sing them to my kids someday. He was always there at our games, recitals, performances etc. He chose to make time for us. So this is why number 1 is true. My dad was my hero (along with my grampa) Until, I met my husband, no one else even measured close to him. Thankfully, my husband measures love with time too!
Sorry this one wasn't funny as promised. I just realized, that my dad taught me more than I realized.
1. A great Dad is a girl's first hero.If a dad is involved in his daughter's life and she truly believes he loves her, no other man/boy measures up. It is unlikely that she will be tempted to look for love somewhere else, when her daddy at home is better than anyone else.
2. If you are going to hide special treats (i.e. candy), hide it in a place no one will find it. If your hiding place is found, don't deny that the stuff is yours, when it quite obviously is. Also, when your hiding place is found, get a new one. Don't keep "hiding" your candy in the same spot or you will find it disappearing quickly.
3."Show your work." This began when my dad was trying to help me with Algebra (bad idea, not very successful) He thought it was very important to show how I arrived at an answer. It is a matter of proof. It then extended into life. He taught me to be detailed and thorough. Take notes, get names, numbers and dates. Keep good records. You never know when you will need proof.
4. Work hard. My dad worked hard. He was always present in our lives, especially at important events, games, ceremonies, recitals.etc. But, he would make up for it by working late, late evenings. He still does. He might work until 3 in the morning, but he gets it done and is successful. My dad taught me to be diligent in work, that it pays you back.
5. How to play and play hard. My dad worked hard, but he also played hard. I remember waking up in the middle of the night one night to find a light on in the living room. I walked out there to find my dad playing Nintendo at 2 in the morning. He said he never got any other chance to play! My dad can be like a kid in a grown man's body. He taught me how to have fun. How to laugh and tease and enjoy life.
6. How to handle money. I started getting an allowance at a young age. I know some people think an allowance spoils kids, but I think it is worse when parents just buy their kids stuff, whenever they want. I had to help out around the house to get my allowance and my dad made me take out 10% for tithe. If I wanted something, I had to use my allowance. It taught me to budget and save. There were several times I had to save for months to buy something I really wanted. When I got older, my dad helped me open a bank account and credit card and taught me how to use them to establish good credit. He also taught me to have fun with money. Sometimes you just have to splurge and enjoy it, but not at the expense of going into debt. You handle money, you don't let money handle you.
7. To take responsibility. My dad taught me a very important lesson that I didn't fully appreciate for a while. He taught me not to justify myself. If I'm wrong. Accept responsibility, apologize, change, and move on. I hated this. Everytime I tried to make an excuse for something, he would say, "Don't justify yourself." I would always say I was just explaining... and he would say I was making excuses. This is a lesson that I have continued to learn since getting married. It is very, very hard. I'm still working on it.
8. Buckle up! My sisters and I had a bad habit of not buckling. So, my dad made us a deal. Every day all three of us were buckled, he put a quarter in a cup in his car. (He drove us to school every day) If he caught one of us unbuckled, he took out fifty cents. If we caught him unbuckled he put in a dollar. When there was enough money, we all went for ice cream. (Remember how strict my mom was with sugar?) This was a great bribe and worked very well. I feel weird now, if I am not wearing my seat belt.
9. Generosity. My dad loves to give and do for others. He gets so much pleasure out of spending money on other people. I'm not so good at this. I would much rather spend on myself : )
10. Date night. My dad took my mom out on "dates" once a week. I'm not really sure if this was his idea or hers, but they made time once a week to spend time together, alone, doing something nice.
11. The gift of time. One of the greatest gifts to give to anyone is the gift of time. In fact I think he so instilled this in me, that now it is how I measure love. It's my love language. I have so many memories of my dad deliberately making time to spend with me. "Lunch dates" He would come to my school and eat lunch with me there or take me out somewhere. In the evenings, he sat down with me on the couch and read Bible stories to me. During storms, I would sit on his lap in the rocking chair in the living room in the dark and we would just sit and watch the rain and lighting ( Needless to say, I love storms.), some nights, he would rock me to sleep, singing songs he made up just for me and my sisters. I still remember them and hope to sing them to my kids someday. He was always there at our games, recitals, performances etc. He chose to make time for us. So this is why number 1 is true. My dad was my hero (along with my grampa) Until, I met my husband, no one else even measured close to him. Thankfully, my husband measures love with time too!
Sorry this one wasn't funny as promised. I just realized, that my dad taught me more than I realized.
Things My Mom Taught Me..
...whether through word or action. My mom taught me the following.
1. "Don't have children until you can afford to dress them well." This is an actual quote. It is a sad fact that most people respond to us based on appearance. My mom made the observation that people respond more to little ones who are dressed cute and are groomed. How you are treated as a child helps determine how you expect people to treat you as you grow up. If, as a child you are accustomed to people giving you positive reinforcing attention, then you will gain self-esteem and learn to expect others to treat you well. This probably originated from the fact that my mom had three little blonde cherub girls who she liked to dress alike. Everyone at church oohed and ahhed. My best friend agrees with my mom, since she has had her first child.
2. You can never make a first impression twice. This is why my mom encouraged me not to go into public without my hair fixed, makeup on and clothes cleaned and pressed. She said you never know who you might run into, and it is hard to change a first impression. While there have been many times, I have been out in town without being "fixed up", I can't remember a time my mother was ever seen in public without being perfectly turned out.
3. Be a lady. This is one I heard way too often. I actually didn't want to be a lady. I held disdain for the idea of being a lady. But as I've gotten older, I've changed my mind. I certainly don't want to be one of those snooty, air in the nose women who is afraid to get their hands dirty. But what my mom considered a lady, was a woman who was well-mannered, treated others with respect. made an uncomfortable situation comfortable, doesn't interrupt, who wrote letters and thank you cards, and never forgot a special occasion.
4. If you think something is clean enough, it isn't. You can always find a spot you missed on a window. A room is never clean until you have cleaned the baseboards. I learned how to really clean and to do an excellent job. I remember one day I spent several hours scrubbing my parents shower down. I had to scrub each individual grout line of the tile. Unfortuanately for me, this presents a quandary. I know how clean, clean is supposed to be, but I hate to clean. Thus I notice every little smudge and particle of dust, but I don't want to mess with it.
5. Be a good hostess. This I think relates to being a lady, but my mom always put such a strong emphasis on it that I listed it separately. This means that if you are having company your house is spotless and you have planned enough food and entertainment to keep everyone happy. The reverse of this is that if I am going to someone else's house, I always expect to bring something with me, if not a dish, then flowers or some type of hostess gift.
6. You can never have enough sleep. This I learned from watching. My mom took naps all the time and went to bed early.
7. When in doubt, or frustration or any other state, positive or negative, Pray. My mom taught me how to have a personal relationship with Jesus and how to pray. She also taught me the importance of forgiveness.
8. Scrambled eggs, grilled cheese and tomato soup, and popcorn make for great dinner foods. (although not necessarily together). I can't tell you how many nights my mom would make a huge bowl of popcorn with salt and butter and an enormous glass of juice and we would all sit on the couch and watch a movie together. Those were my favorite dinners.
9. Eating healthy is important. You can live without sugar. I don't even know if we had sugar in the house when I was small. If we needed a sweetener we used honey. I was the only kid in school who ate boiled eggs, plain yogurt, and veggies at snack time. Of course, these days I'm a sugarholic, which I directly link back to being deprived of sugar as a child.
10. Family is vital. I learned this from the way my mom spoke about her family and the amount of time we all spent together.
11. Dinner time is great family time. Most nights we all sat down to dinner together. It was a great time to catch up and share and talk. Some times this extended into "family council" time. This however being my dad's invention, wasn't quite as successful.
12. Make the man feel like the king of the castle. My mom never argued with my dad in front of us. If she disagreed, she waited to speak to him in private. She tried to have dinner ready or close to ready when my dad came home from work. She also had us pick up the house, so my dad would come home to a clean house. This is one I could use more instruction on. I'm pretty terrible at it.
13. Mom's recipes are always the best. This inludes lasagna, spaghetti, chili, potato soup and numerous casseroles. I've had these dishes many times at many places, but no one can make them like my mom.
14. Music influences your mood. My mom constantly had music playing in the house when I was growing up. Different music for different days and moods.
15.This last one I learned from my best friend's mom. I only heard her say this one time, but it made such an impression on me that I never forgot it. She said, "Sin shows on your face." This always came to mind whenever I was tempted to do something I shouldn't. I always thought about it showing up on my face and making my wrong doings transparent to everyone.
Next blog will be things my dad taught me : ) These will be funnier.
1. "Don't have children until you can afford to dress them well." This is an actual quote. It is a sad fact that most people respond to us based on appearance. My mom made the observation that people respond more to little ones who are dressed cute and are groomed. How you are treated as a child helps determine how you expect people to treat you as you grow up. If, as a child you are accustomed to people giving you positive reinforcing attention, then you will gain self-esteem and learn to expect others to treat you well. This probably originated from the fact that my mom had three little blonde cherub girls who she liked to dress alike. Everyone at church oohed and ahhed. My best friend agrees with my mom, since she has had her first child.
2. You can never make a first impression twice. This is why my mom encouraged me not to go into public without my hair fixed, makeup on and clothes cleaned and pressed. She said you never know who you might run into, and it is hard to change a first impression. While there have been many times, I have been out in town without being "fixed up", I can't remember a time my mother was ever seen in public without being perfectly turned out.
3. Be a lady. This is one I heard way too often. I actually didn't want to be a lady. I held disdain for the idea of being a lady. But as I've gotten older, I've changed my mind. I certainly don't want to be one of those snooty, air in the nose women who is afraid to get their hands dirty. But what my mom considered a lady, was a woman who was well-mannered, treated others with respect. made an uncomfortable situation comfortable, doesn't interrupt, who wrote letters and thank you cards, and never forgot a special occasion.
4. If you think something is clean enough, it isn't. You can always find a spot you missed on a window. A room is never clean until you have cleaned the baseboards. I learned how to really clean and to do an excellent job. I remember one day I spent several hours scrubbing my parents shower down. I had to scrub each individual grout line of the tile. Unfortuanately for me, this presents a quandary. I know how clean, clean is supposed to be, but I hate to clean. Thus I notice every little smudge and particle of dust, but I don't want to mess with it.
5. Be a good hostess. This I think relates to being a lady, but my mom always put such a strong emphasis on it that I listed it separately. This means that if you are having company your house is spotless and you have planned enough food and entertainment to keep everyone happy. The reverse of this is that if I am going to someone else's house, I always expect to bring something with me, if not a dish, then flowers or some type of hostess gift.
6. You can never have enough sleep. This I learned from watching. My mom took naps all the time and went to bed early.
7. When in doubt, or frustration or any other state, positive or negative, Pray. My mom taught me how to have a personal relationship with Jesus and how to pray. She also taught me the importance of forgiveness.
8. Scrambled eggs, grilled cheese and tomato soup, and popcorn make for great dinner foods. (although not necessarily together). I can't tell you how many nights my mom would make a huge bowl of popcorn with salt and butter and an enormous glass of juice and we would all sit on the couch and watch a movie together. Those were my favorite dinners.
9. Eating healthy is important. You can live without sugar. I don't even know if we had sugar in the house when I was small. If we needed a sweetener we used honey. I was the only kid in school who ate boiled eggs, plain yogurt, and veggies at snack time. Of course, these days I'm a sugarholic, which I directly link back to being deprived of sugar as a child.
10. Family is vital. I learned this from the way my mom spoke about her family and the amount of time we all spent together.
11. Dinner time is great family time. Most nights we all sat down to dinner together. It was a great time to catch up and share and talk. Some times this extended into "family council" time. This however being my dad's invention, wasn't quite as successful.
12. Make the man feel like the king of the castle. My mom never argued with my dad in front of us. If she disagreed, she waited to speak to him in private. She tried to have dinner ready or close to ready when my dad came home from work. She also had us pick up the house, so my dad would come home to a clean house. This is one I could use more instruction on. I'm pretty terrible at it.
13. Mom's recipes are always the best. This inludes lasagna, spaghetti, chili, potato soup and numerous casseroles. I've had these dishes many times at many places, but no one can make them like my mom.
14. Music influences your mood. My mom constantly had music playing in the house when I was growing up. Different music for different days and moods.
15.This last one I learned from my best friend's mom. I only heard her say this one time, but it made such an impression on me that I never forgot it. She said, "Sin shows on your face." This always came to mind whenever I was tempted to do something I shouldn't. I always thought about it showing up on my face and making my wrong doings transparent to everyone.
Next blog will be things my dad taught me : ) These will be funnier.
Monday, January 22, 2007
I Remember my Hero
10 Years. It's been 10 years this month that my Grampa's been gone. I can't believe time can pass so quickly. I can't believe we have lived that long without his presence, his laughter, his joie de vivre. I was talking to my mom the other day and I asked her if she knew what this month was. I had her stumped for a minute. Then I told her that about it being the anniversary and we just sat there looking at each other, not speaking. To speak would have put us both in tears, as it was I felt tears brimming under my eye lids. Then she said, "He took the sun." After 10 years I still can't believe there are moments filled with his memory that still can make me cry. Sometimes, I will hear the song we played at his funeral and cry, and then play it over again. A couple of years ago in Minnesota (where my mom was raised) we were sitting in a diner in her home town and I saw a man that looked like my Grampa's twin, he was even wearing the same hat my Grampa wore. Right there in that diner it was hard to believe I wasn't looking at my Grampa and I choked up. But I couldn't keep from glancing at him. There are times I tear up thinking that my husband never met my Grampa, never met the man who had such an impact on my life. I can't stand the thought that I can't share memories of someone I loved with the love of my life. It was my Grampa and my Dad and even my Uncle who helped form in me such a high regard for men in general and they didn't even do it on purpose. They just lived their daily lives, with love, humor and integrity.
Honestly, I don't think I knew how much my Grampa meant to me and his influence in my life, until he was gone. I just took for granted that he was there, laughing, loving, teasing being the anchor, the cornerstone of our family. I remember that day. It was a Saturday, right before Martin Luther King Monday, and I was sleeping in. My parents came in to my room together to wake me up. They had something to tell me and I knew before they spoke that my Grampa was gone. It was so surreal to receive such devestating news and then beginning the funeral planning that same afternoon. My mom was on the phone with her sister and brother and it didn't seem real. We cried and cried. I remember I wrote a poem to read at his funeral. I was sure I would be able to read it. Then I got up to the podium and I sobbed so hard I had to take breaths after almost every single word. But I had to finish, because I loved him. For a long time we couldn't fathom how life could go on with out him, how our family could go on without him. He was the axel in our family wheel. Even now, when we have family gatherings I look around and I know a piece is missing, a piece we've learned to live without. But looking at my family, I know he is still there. I see him in all of us. I was watching my uncle the other day when they visited us. He pulled a comb out of his back pocket and combed his hair back, exactly like my Grampa used to do. Exactly. Sometimes one of my cousins or sisters will do or say something and it reminds me of him. There are so many great little reminders of memories.
My Grampa was my hero. He taught me what it means to be great. Even now, when I struggle with the issue of greatness and feeling small, I remember him and what a great man he was even though he was never wealthy or famous. Every one who knew my Grampa loved him. I still run into people from time to time who knew him and they always say how special he was. He was a giver. He was truly interested in people. He talked but he also listened, with interest. He laughed and told dirty jokes. He taught me you can say whatever you want as long as you do it in good spirit with a smile. He would say things that no one else would dare to say and make people laugh while doing it. He was a people magnet. I remember when we would go to his house for a visit, there were always people sitting in his office, waiting to be worked on (He was a chiropracter), really just wanting to be around him. I hated that. He was ours and I never wanted to share him with people who weren't family. I was selfish. My Grampa was one of those rare people who made others feel better about themselves, just by being around him. I believe he did it by sharing himself. By being open and sincere. He wasn't perfect, but he was who he was. His funeral was packed. I remember people were amazed by how many other people attended. He had city leaders at his funeral. He also had a guy ride his bicycle 35 miles in a drizzle just to be there to honor him. Everyone had something wonderful to say about him and ten years later they still do. My mom still talks about her Daddy. She says it just like that, Daddy, like she was still a small girl. I still talk about my Grampa with the man I love but can never share him with. If I can be half of the person he was, then I will be happy. He was my hero. He still is.
Honestly, I don't think I knew how much my Grampa meant to me and his influence in my life, until he was gone. I just took for granted that he was there, laughing, loving, teasing being the anchor, the cornerstone of our family. I remember that day. It was a Saturday, right before Martin Luther King Monday, and I was sleeping in. My parents came in to my room together to wake me up. They had something to tell me and I knew before they spoke that my Grampa was gone. It was so surreal to receive such devestating news and then beginning the funeral planning that same afternoon. My mom was on the phone with her sister and brother and it didn't seem real. We cried and cried. I remember I wrote a poem to read at his funeral. I was sure I would be able to read it. Then I got up to the podium and I sobbed so hard I had to take breaths after almost every single word. But I had to finish, because I loved him. For a long time we couldn't fathom how life could go on with out him, how our family could go on without him. He was the axel in our family wheel. Even now, when we have family gatherings I look around and I know a piece is missing, a piece we've learned to live without. But looking at my family, I know he is still there. I see him in all of us. I was watching my uncle the other day when they visited us. He pulled a comb out of his back pocket and combed his hair back, exactly like my Grampa used to do. Exactly. Sometimes one of my cousins or sisters will do or say something and it reminds me of him. There are so many great little reminders of memories.
My Grampa was my hero. He taught me what it means to be great. Even now, when I struggle with the issue of greatness and feeling small, I remember him and what a great man he was even though he was never wealthy or famous. Every one who knew my Grampa loved him. I still run into people from time to time who knew him and they always say how special he was. He was a giver. He was truly interested in people. He talked but he also listened, with interest. He laughed and told dirty jokes. He taught me you can say whatever you want as long as you do it in good spirit with a smile. He would say things that no one else would dare to say and make people laugh while doing it. He was a people magnet. I remember when we would go to his house for a visit, there were always people sitting in his office, waiting to be worked on (He was a chiropracter), really just wanting to be around him. I hated that. He was ours and I never wanted to share him with people who weren't family. I was selfish. My Grampa was one of those rare people who made others feel better about themselves, just by being around him. I believe he did it by sharing himself. By being open and sincere. He wasn't perfect, but he was who he was. His funeral was packed. I remember people were amazed by how many other people attended. He had city leaders at his funeral. He also had a guy ride his bicycle 35 miles in a drizzle just to be there to honor him. Everyone had something wonderful to say about him and ten years later they still do. My mom still talks about her Daddy. She says it just like that, Daddy, like she was still a small girl. I still talk about my Grampa with the man I love but can never share him with. If I can be half of the person he was, then I will be happy. He was my hero. He still is.
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