I've always wondered how it is possible to have a love affair with Someone that you can't see, or touch, or hear, or feel. How can Someone that can't be measured by my senses be more real and closer to me than the people I have lived with, and practiced loving with my heart for years. I'll admit, growing up in church you hear some pretty strange and sometimes unbelievable things. I've heard people say that they are in love with Jesus. That has just always sounded crazy to me. Okay, so I was a scoffer, I labeled those people fanatical freaks. And while I wanted to know Jesus I certainly never wanted anyone to think of me as some kind of fanatic. I wanted to be safe. I wanted to stay in my comfort zone, having a relationship with Jesus that was calm and undercover enough to still allow me to seem normal to others.
So then of course what happens? Somehow my heart gets opened wide enough for God to settle right in there and show me how much I am loved and all of a sudden I'm a certified fanatic. Oh well, it's not as bad as I thought. In fact, it's ten times better. How do you have a love affair with this kind of a Someone?(Really, affair is not quite the right term, but on the other hand it makes it sound as thrilling as it is.) Well, I can't see God's face but I see his creation all around me. A creation that sreams out beauty and grace, creativity and genius. I see His love for me in my life, in the friends and family He has blessed me with. Those people who are placed in my life for a purpose. To encourage me when I'm discouraged, to bear me up when I'm down, to share the burdens of life. I see Him everyday. Not only can I see evidence of God everywhere, but I hear Him. One sure place I hear Him is in His Word, that Word which says that nothing can separate me from His love, that I am worthy of the greatest sacrifice, that He sees and knows my heart. I also hear Him as I speak to Him. He talks back. Quite a novel idea, conversation! I talk to Him throughout the day. Sometimes I tell Him that He did a really good job with the sunset or that I love the colors that He chose to use for spring. Sometimes I tell Him I'm sorry for calling the driver in front of me and idiot and/or asshole. Other times I tell Him how thankful I am, or how sad I am or I ask for help. And I always tell Him when my husband is driving me crazy and please could He work on that? Sometimes He just listens and sometimes He speaks back to my heart or through a loved one. Lately He's been talking to me a lot through the books I read. Probably because it's the best way to get my attention. Sometimes I think I can hear Him laughing with me or laughing at my silliness. I can be so ridiculously silly when I know that it's just me and only God around. I'm still working on the touch aspect. Because although I am touched at certain things, I do miss the actual physical touch. I love to be touched. When I was little and my dad was out of town for some meeting or other, he would always call home to say goodnight. He would tell me, "Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze real tight. Tighter than that. C'mon real tight! Okay, that was me giving you a hug." So sometimes, I'll squeeze myself really tight, extra tight and pretend it's God, my Father giving me a hug. Or I'll close my eyes and picture myself walking right into the throne room, past all the angels and the other people there, right up to the Father on the throne and I just crawl up on His lap and let Him hold me. And I just picture myself sitting there, while He holds me and heavenly business continues on with no one thinking it strange that I am sitting in God's lap. Or if I'm upset or sad and need comfort right then and there, I'll hold my Bible to my chest like some kind of teddy bear and squeeze it tightly and just imagine those words in that book coming to life and silently streaming into my heart.
It's kind of strange that nobody calls you a fanatic if you are in love with your spouse. Come to think of it, it seems a parent's love is even more intense than that and no one calls a parent crazy for loving a child too much. I call my mom one of my best friend's and nobody finds that too strange either. But God is all those things in one and if saying I am in love with Him, that He is my life, all there is, makes me a fanatic, then start the name calling.
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