The Stones

One of my favorite things in the world to collect is memories. I firmly believe in investing not only time, but effort in creating something worth remembering. I can get 1000 smiles out of one good memory. In my family we are all very fond of remembering. There was the time my dad played a trick on my Grandpa during a card game, or my Grandma's expression of "by crackey!" that set us all off on a particularly long good laugh. These are the things of our family lore. My husband teases me because I end up telling the same stories over and over again. But that is what we do in my family. We repeat our best times over and over to each other and enjoy them without the joy diminishing with the re-telling. Memories are jewels in the treasure box of life. (How's that for cheesy?) A good memory is something that cannot be stolen, but brings happiness and comfort throughout life.

That is one of the things I love about God! We have this in common. He also is fond of remembering. I looked up the word remember in the Bible Concordance the other day and found numerous references to the word remember. There are many places in the Bible where it talks of God remembering. Many times, this is a signal for a miracle, because it means a blessing or good thing is about to follow. God remembering His promises to His people, or God remembering His covenant with us which thus spares us the consequences of His wrath towards sin. But there are also many times that the word remember is a command given by God. He tells us to remember. Remember what He has done for us, remember what He has promised us, remember the battles He has fought on our behalf, remember, remember, remember. I've been reading in the Old Testament again and came across a passage where God fought a battle for Israel and sent their enemy scattered without them having to step onto the battlefield. Following this one-sided victory Samuel sets a stone in the place where the battle was won as a way of remembering. You see that many times in the Old Testament, particularly with the Patriarchs. They were forever erecting stone altars and piles then renaming the area as a way of marking the place where God showed up. And from then on anytime that place is mentioned in the Bible it is referenced by it's new name and the reminder that God's presence had been there. One of my favorite stories of this is the place where Jacob set up stones to remind him of where he had wrestled all night with an angel of God. Can you imagine? It must have been somewhat like our road signs. Any one passing by would see that stone pillar and would remember the story of Jacob.

After pondering on this, I began to think about my "stone markers." What have I set aside in my memory to mark the places where God has been. How do I remind myself of the times where I have experienced His presence, or where He has acted on my behalf? I believe that God's command to remember must be very important for Him to consistently reiterate it throughout the Bible. Why is it so important to God for us to remember? I believe it is because we are human and seem to have short memories. Something incredible and God-inspired happens to us and at the time we bask in it thinking that we will always remember that moment. But life moves on and we get bogged down in the difficulties and challenges that confront us. And all of a sudden we are grumbling and complaining, perhaps questioning God and wrestling with our faith. Oh, we are so easily distracted and so soon forget. God delivered the Jews out of Egypt with spectacular miracles and undeniable wonders and in the short period of time following they began to complain and doubt. It didn't take long at all and they were whining about trivial things such as food and water and the armies of Egypt. They had just been part of a major miracle and yet lacked the faith in God to meet their daily needs.

I also believe God calls us to remember because it pleases Him. I know how much pleasure I receive when someone recalls something nice that I had done for them. It lets me know that what I did had value and that the person on the receiving end appreciated it. Which in turn makes me more inclined to want to do it again. I can only imagine the pleasure God must get when we recall the good things He has done for us, especially since we are so much more prone to ask for His help then to give gratitude for what He has already done for us. We are so demanding. We treat God like He is our servant or magic genie, here for our pleasure rather than we are his servants here for His pleasure. How sad that must make Him, when all He wants to do is love us and all we want to do is take from Him. Like a spoiled children we are. How it must grieve Him.

I also think that God commands us to remember for the sake of others. When we remember His goodness for us by telling others of what He has done for us, it brings Him glory and gives others hope. I know many times when I have been discouraged, someone will tell me about a time when God did something for them and it immediately bolsters my faith. We all need these reminders. We hear so much negative in our world and so little good. A good memory is like a breath of fresh air.

So again, I asked myself where are my stones? Am I remembering all the times the love of God has impacted my life? Or do I look on those times as my expected due, lacking gratitude for His grace and mercy. Am I spreading God's glory by reminding others of His goodness? Am I truly thankful for His daily miracles? Although I know I can always do a better job of being thankful I would like to answer yes to this question. If I pause and think, I can remember innumerable instances of God's blessings. I look back on the path I have journeyed and it is strewn, covered in the stones of remembrance. He has been incredibly generous and good to me and in so doing has made my life more beautiful. Much like a person taking a quiet stroll along the beach, I am collecting stones, remembrances of His love. I then place these in a particular spot where I met His presence and walk on, leaving altars of His love for others to stumble across

Wide Open

My heart is split wide open. And it seems to be a permanent condition.

How could it not be? I am constantly reminded of God's great love for me. When I start feeling sorry for myself, when I start to question if others love or care about me, when I question how long, when I wonder if my life will ever have a purpose He comes in and sweeps me off of my feet. And I am reminded that no matter the answer to any of those questions, the only answer that matters is that Jesus loves me. And that answer so overwhelms me everytime that my heart is left beating, pulsing His love, drowning me and all my doubts. What is left is an open, tender universe that spills out the excess of that love into my life. It colors everything in my world with light. And I am vulnerable but strong. I could not survive, no I couldn't exist without His love for me and without the knowledge that He loves me. Nothing else matters.

I am constantly surprised how so many people miss God's love for them. I am ever reminded. Every where I look I see evidence of it. I am a romantic at heart. I would venture to call myself an extreme romantic and for some reason am slightly ashamed of that. But I love a good love story. I love a story of desperation met with redemption. I love stories of focused pursuit. In fact I read those kinds of stories myself and get a little thrill out of them. But there is no bigger love story than that of God pursuing His creation.

I was doing one of my Bible studies this week and the question was asked, "What do you consider your life's verse?" I had to think about it for a minute, because obviously there are so many great verses in the Bible that I love. But then I remembered. I love the book of Hosea. I'm not sure that there are many who would say that being it is one of those old testament prophet books. But it has to hold one of my favorite love stories in the Bible. If you are unfamiliar with it, God told the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute called Gomer. She kept straying from the marriage, but Hosea would go out and seek her and bring her back. They even had children together. God intended for Hosea's life to be a picture of His relationship with His own people. We/I am the prostitute in God's story. I am easily distracted by temporary shallow things. I wander from home and try to fulfill my own needs. I place others before God and yet He comes after me as Hosea did, and carries me home. He never gives up. He is undeterred by my faithlessness, my lack of respect for myself or for Him. He loves me in all my filth. So then this verse sums it up for me;

Hosea 2:19-20¹⁹“ I will betroth you to Me forever;
      Yes, I will betroth you to Me
      In righteousness and justice,
      In lovingkindness and mercy;
      ²⁰I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
      And you shall know the LORD.

When I read that verse I see the I wills. And they are all God's. He will, He will, He will. The determination in our relationship is all on His side. It doesn't depend on me. There is passion and longing in so many I wills. He is determined. And that determination plays out in love and goodness. These are not angry or frustrated I wills. These are I wills founded in His desire for our best. These I wills bring good things into our lives; righteousness, justice, lovingkindness and mercy, faithfulness. And it ends in intimate relationship. You shall know the Lord.
This is my life verse. Because as much as I love Him I am fallible. As much as I love Him the motivation for that love was first prompted by His love for me. There is no way I can maintain a love with my Creator without His will to hold it in place. Without His desire to be with me, to love me, to pursue me, there would be no relationship, because I wouldn't be capable of maintaining it on my own. I am weak. I find such encouragement in knowing that He has determined that He will maintain that relationship with me and nothing can change that. I am thrilled that the outcome of His love is that I will truly know Him. That is all I want, to know Him.

God's love for us is unstoppable, unquenchable, miraculous. This is a love that knows every hair on our heads, that collects our tears in bottles, that has our names graven on His hands. This is a love that never quits, that follows us to the depths and back. A love passionately, desperately in love...with us! No other love story can equal. Every other story is a mere shadow of the real one.

And so I am back to being overwhelmed. I know that I am not worthy, I know that even if I were worthy I could never earn His love. And when I remember the depths from which I was raised and the heights to which He aspires to take me I am compelled to love the way I am loved, without reservation, without expectation and in total, wild abandonment with my heart wide open.
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How to Have an Affair

I've always wondered how it is possible to have a love affair with Someone that you can't see, or touch, or hear, or feel. How can Someone that can't be measured by my senses be more real and closer to me than the people I have lived with, and practiced loving with my heart for years. I'll admit, growing up in church you hear some pretty strange and sometimes unbelievable things. I've heard people say that they are in love with Jesus. That has just always sounded crazy to me. Okay, so I was a scoffer, I labeled those people fanatical freaks.  And while I wanted to know Jesus I certainly never wanted anyone to think of me as some kind of fanatic. I wanted to be safe. I wanted to stay in my comfort zone, having a relationship with Jesus that was calm and undercover enough to still allow me to seem normal to others.

So then of course what happens? Somehow my heart gets opened wide enough for God to settle right in there and show me how much I am loved and all of a sudden I'm a certified fanatic. Oh well, it's not as bad as I thought. In fact, it's ten times better. How do you have a love affair with this kind of a Someone?(Really, affair is not quite the right term, but on the other hand it makes it sound as thrilling as it is.) Well, I can't see God's face but I see his creation all around me. A creation that sreams out beauty and grace, creativity and genius. I see His love for me in my life, in the friends and family He has blessed me with. Those people who are placed in my life for a purpose. To encourage me when I'm discouraged, to bear me up when I'm down, to share the burdens of life. I see Him everyday. Not only can I see evidence of God everywhere, but I hear Him. One sure place I hear Him is in His Word, that Word which says that nothing can separate me from His love, that I am worthy of the greatest sacrifice, that He sees and knows my heart. I also hear Him as I speak to Him. He talks back. Quite a novel idea, conversation! I talk to Him throughout the day. Sometimes I tell Him that He did a really good job with the sunset or that I love the colors that He chose to use for spring. Sometimes I tell Him I'm sorry for calling the driver in front of me and idiot and/or asshole. Other times I tell Him how thankful I am, or how sad I am or I ask for help. And I always tell Him when my husband is driving me crazy and please could He work on that? Sometimes He just listens and sometimes He speaks back to my heart or through a loved one. Lately He's been talking to me a lot through the books I read. Probably because it's the best way to get my attention. Sometimes I think I can hear Him laughing with me or laughing at my silliness. I can be so ridiculously silly when I know that it's just me and only God around. I'm still working on the touch aspect. Because although I am touched at certain things, I do miss the actual physical touch. I love to be touched. When I was little and my dad was out of town for some meeting or other, he would always call home to say goodnight. He would tell me, "Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze real tight. Tighter than that. C'mon real tight! Okay, that was me giving you a hug." So sometimes, I'll squeeze myself really tight, extra tight and pretend it's God, my Father giving me a hug. Or I'll close my eyes and picture myself walking right into the throne room, past all the angels and the other people there, right up to the Father on the throne and I just crawl up on His lap and let Him hold me. And I just picture myself sitting there, while He holds me and heavenly business continues on with no one thinking it strange that I am sitting in God's lap. Or if I'm upset or sad and need comfort right then and there, I'll hold my Bible to my chest like some kind of teddy bear and squeeze it tightly and just imagine those words in that book coming to life and silently streaming into my heart.

It's kind of strange that nobody calls you a fanatic if you are in love with your spouse.  Come to think of it, it seems a parent's love is even more intense than that and no one calls a parent crazy for loving a child too much.  I call my mom one of my best friend's and nobody finds that too strange either. But God is all those things in one and if saying I am in love with Him, that He is my life, all there is, makes me a fanatic, then start the name calling.