Willing to be Ruined

It's a sad fact of life and most of us live our lives in denial of it. Our choices and decisions directly affect those around us, whether we mean them to or not. Sometimes our choices affect perfect strangers. It's an ironic chain reaction. We all want to think that we live in a bubble and that the world revolves around us.  We say things like , "It's my life and I'll do what I want." And we don't give a second thought to the results of living our lives the way we please. We then look around at our world and wonder why it is so screwed up. We want to cry for those directly impacted by violence and war, by natural disasters and we should cry. But we should also remember that alot of bad things are a direct result of somebody's or a collective somebodies choices. We want to blame God for the consequences of living our lives without His guidance. How on earth can we advocate our right to free will and freedom to choose and decide our life and than argue against it when somebody uses their free will for evil. I do not agree, support or condone, child abuse, extreme poverty, crimes against humanity and etc., but they are a result of somebody's free will. Unfortunately most of the time our free will imposes its' consequences not only on us but on innocent bystanders.

So to come to my point. I am willing to be ruined.

I'm not perfect and I act selfishly a lot of times. I know that when I choose my own way that sometimes other people are negatively affected by my choices. But here is my quandary. I can choose for myself, but I have no control over how someone else's decisions affect me. There is someone I care about who is making choices that I don't agree with. Not only do I not agree with them, but their choices are negatively and directly impacting me. So, what do I do? I have made my point of view clear to this person and while they listened to me they continued on their same course of action. Some of these choices could have severe consequences not only for them, but also for me. I haven't discounted the power of prayer or the love of God in this person's life. I believe God could work in this person's heart and turn the situation around. But here's the catch. I was praying for mercy and rescue for this person (and also somewhat selfishly for myself) and while I believe God is more than capable of intervening, here is another scenario. What if God chooses to allow this person (and indirectly me) to suffer the consequences of their decisions? What if He doesn't ride in to save the day? What if in the long term and God's big picture it is better for this person to reap the consequences, learn and grow from them and possibly avoid something worse down the road? I know that sounds kind of crazy, because we mostly believe God is loving and kind. But we also don't know the future. God does. It might seem cruel for Him to not ride in and rescue us at the time, when in reality He could be using the situation to save us from something even worse down the road. So, am I willing to be ruined? Am I willing to allow God to work His will in this person's life, even if it means we both suffer the consequences? In this case, I'm somewhat of an innocent bystander, I didn't have any say, but I will still be affected. Am I willing to be ruined? Yes. I don't say that lightly and I have just come to the place in this particular situation with this particular individual where I can say I'm willing if it means God will be able to reach them through the mess. I don't know that I could say that for anyone else or any other circumstance, but I believe maybe God has given me the grace to go through the storm with my friend. If it comes to that, it may not. But I am willing to lay down my life, my needs, my free will. I am willing to be a broken vessel, an open conduit for God. And that's tough. But here is why. One, I love this person, and two I love God. Because I love God, I trust Him. I'll be honest, I really don't have the faith to believe in this particular instance, but I trust God, and I will trust Him blindly and leap out into the great wide open. If He can use me to show His love for someone else then I will allow myself to be broken/ruined.